Spammers. At least make an effort.

Spammers. Who do you think you're fooling?

Dear Saurabh,

Thanks so much for your recent comment on my article, “Improving SEO with dodgy words and pictures of hot girls” . I am writing to inform you that for some reason, your comment has been blocked by my spam filter and is sitting in a queue of 147 comments that are very similar to yours.

For that reason, I would love to discuss the content of your comment to ascertain whether you are in fact a spammer or you’ve actually just been unfairly singled out by my spam filtering system.

Let’s start with the name and e-mail address that you supplied when writing the comment. You’ve said that your name is Sumit although in your e-mail address your name is apparently Saurabh Sumitrai. Did you spell your surname wrong in the “name” field? To check, I Googled your name.

I see that you’ve set up a profile here. I also note that you’ve posted the same comment on a variety of other posts. Now this makes me feel:

1. Cheated. Imagine if I told you I loved you then you found out I’d said that to 27 other people.

2. Concerned. Are you trying to find an answer to something? Are we all just mis-understanding your comment? I’m going to try and help you out.

So:

No need of English for hot girls pictures free games boys images all local news etc by (URL) Websites can take huge profit from it.

No need of English? I think you’re trying to say “I can’t speak English”. It certainly comes across that way. I’d hate for websites to be making profits from your misfortune though. Let me know who they are and I’ll have a word.

Hot Girls Picture Method: – Press in the address bar, any three keys twice, which are together on keyboard in [7] shape e.g. (URL) [Ctrl+Enter = www. . com]. This option is working from whole keyboard. Now non English world can surf internet by (URL) theory.

Ok so there’s some kind of magic trick built into our computers? Press three keys twice in a 7 shape on the keyboard … what … like … “K, L, <”? Ok … nothing’s happening. This is supposed to allow the whole non-English world to surf the internet? Yeah I don’t get it.

Can I perhaps suggest the theory that you are, in fact, a randomly generated load of bollocks? That you’re trying to get your website address posted on blogs and so encourage people to visit your website?

Can I also now suggest that you’re doing it wrong? Why exactly would someone read your message and feel inclined to click on your link? I think that you’re suffering from a mis-guided marketing message and you’re lacking an obvious call to action.

I sincerely hope you haven’t spent money on whatever program you’re using to generate this virtual verbal diarrhoea.

I think I’ll click the “delete permanently” button on this one. Please feel free to try again. I look forward to seeing some spam that shows a bit of effort.